It's been awhile since I've put together a study but I felt it on my heart to put together another study on marriage and relationships, this time about the Devil and how he seeks to destroy them. I've been reading articles and scriptures on this subject recently, and the more I read, the more I come to realize that Satan has been trying to worm his way into my own marriage for years... into my covenant between myself, my husband, and God.
I once read somewhere that being a Christian is the hardest thing you can do, because you will always be under attack from Satan. I am finally coming to see that this is true. Being one of God's children isn't easy, but God won't allow us to take on anything that we can't handle with His help. My first hope in sharing this particular study is to show you some of the ways that the devil tries to hurt us as God's children, so that you can be vigilant and aware of what's going on, and head it off at the pass. God doesn't want us to suffer, and He warns us to keep watch in 1 Peter 5:8 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour." Satan is ready and waiting to devour us alive.
My second hope with this study is to get some discussion going in the comment section and on Twitter and Facebook about the ways the devil tries to break into our lives and destroy them, how God helps us to combat the devil, and how we can take steps such as fervent prayer to live for God instead of being of use to Satan.
Before we start, you may want to read about biblical marriage and how it started HERE, and how husbands and wives are instructed to treat each other HERE. These two articles are a great resource as a compilation of marriage scriptures.
Satan's Devices
2 Corinthians 2:11 says "Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices."
God warns us of Satan's devices and the ways he works by showing us in the Bible, and if we break the devil's tactics down into steps, you may see places in your life in the past or present where he's tried to worm his way in and take over. It was certainly a shock for me when I began to look at these things.
1) Satan Attacks Our Relationship With God
First and foremost Satan seeks to destroy your relationship with God. We first see this happening in Genesis with Adam and Eve when Satan tries to bring doubt to Eve about what God wants from her. Genesis 3:1-4 "Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die." We see here not only that Satan is subtle (he slips in), but he questions God, "Yea hath God said?" Then Satan goes directly against God by contradicting Him and saying, "Ye shall not surely die." He brings doubt to Eve in her relationship with God and does as good as calling God a liar and making Eve believe that God isn't giving her something that's good for her. Once we start doubting God and his Word, we open the door for Satan to march in and start making us doubt our spouse and the marriage covenant we have. In Adam and Eve's case, doubt ended up causing them to sin and ultimately separating them from God. Satan's plan worked. If a little doubt can cause a separation from God for Adam and Eve, what can a little doubt do to a Christian marriage? It's like Satan marinading us for a meal to 'devour' us.
2) Satan Gets A Spouse To Make The Wrong Choice
Eve knew it was wrong to eat from the tree in the midst of the garden, but she let doubt creep in, and then gave the fruit to Adam to eat also, and Adam, though he knew what he was doing, made the wrong choice anyway. Eve was tricked, but Adam knew what he was doing when he ate the fruit.
With the holy ghost dwelling within us, we know when something is a bad choice because we feel that tug on the inside telling us that it's wrong, yet spouses still end up choosing to be lead astray from their marriage, whether they're Christian or not. I know of many Christians who knew it was wrong, and had affairs anyway. As Christians we know it's wrong to seek out other people to fill our needs when this is our spouses job, but it happens to some people anyway. Why is this? I believe it has to do with Satan making us doubt, but also with being weak when it comes to making a choice for God, or for yourself. It's the difference between living in the flesh, and living in the spirit. Satan makes it appear that a spouse has no other option than to seek to get their needs met elsewhere, when it just isn't true. There is always a choice, and this leads into our next point.3) Satan Tries To Get Us To Blame Others For Our Own Mistakes And Undesirable Situations
When God came walking in the garden after Adam and Eve ate the fruit, what was the first thing Adam did? He pointed the finger at Eve, even though it was his choice to eat the fruit. He had made the bad decision on his own, but he still tried to place the blame on Eve: Genesis 3:11-12 "And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat."
It almost seems as if Adam points the finger at God and then at Eve saying that it was the woman that God gave him. He wants to put the blame anywhere but on himself. This also happens in marriages. It's uncomfortable to admit that we're wrong or that we made a bad decision, and often the other spouse doesn't make it easy to save face in a situation like that. When a spouse has cheated they will often point the finger at the other spouse and say something along the lines of, "It's your fault. You didn't give me what I wanted or needed." Again, there is always a choice, though Satan will try to get you believe that there isn't.
When one or both spouses refuses to admit that they were wrong or that they made a bad choice, it puts a road block in healing the marriage or fixing the problem. A marriage takes two people to keep running, and two people to fix problems. If one spouse is unwilling to admit that they made a mistake, then there can't be an open and honest discussion about the issues the couple is facing, and they can't grow and move on. What ends up happening is that issues pile up and never get dealt with, and ends up leaving one or both spouses feeling bitter and unhappy.
So far, just with the first three points, Satan has a pretty good plan of attack for breaking up Christian marriages. He attacks your relationship with God, makes you doubt, tries to get you to make the wrong choices even when you know they're wrong, and tries to get you to deny any wrongdoing so that communication is blocked and problems in the marriage can't be fixed. Now it becomes easy to see how Satan lays in wait to 'devour' us. Lets look at what else the deceiver does to a marriage.
4) Satan Tries To Divide Us
When Adam blamed Eve for his own wrongdoing in eating the fruit, do you think it might have driven a wedge between them? What if your own spouse started blaming you for their own wrongdoings? Doubt in your spouse, blaming others for your own problems, lying, and a general lack in communication are all things that will divide two people in a relationship. There's a saying: united we stand, divided we fall. If you are united with your spouse and God, a strong front against the devil, it will be all the harder for the devil to take you down. If Satan can separate you however, get you to stop communicating or trusting each other, and divide you over differences of opinion, then he has two separate and much weaker targets to attack.
I would imagine that driving wedges between husbands and wives is one of Satan's favorite pastimes. One small unresolved difference of opinion can lead to another and another. True, we must sometimes agree to disagree, but often Satan will choose small annoyances in a relationship and then try to block communication as we read earlier, so that problems will build up and push spouses further and further apart. After reading this far, it may seem hopeless trying to resist Satan's influences in our lives and marriages, but at the end of the article we'll cover a few strong defenses against the devil's attacks.
Getting us to avoid and withdraw from issues instead of taking the time to resolve them is another one of the devices Satan uses to drive us apart. Often just because we don't want to argue or discuss our own shortcomings, or just because we're weary of our spouse being mad, we'll avoid an issue altogether. The fight or flight response, some call this phenomenon. Unfortunately we don't often see that there's a third option. We don't have to fight with a spouse about an issue, and we don't have to withdraw and flee either. Instead, spouses can sit down and pray about it, and resolve to discuss any issues in the relationship in a calm, respectful manner with each other, even if they don't come to an agreement in the end. Sometimes issues in a marriage take time to resolve, but one thing is for certain, if you withdraw from your spouse and refuse to work things out, then the issues will never be resolved and will pile up.
5) Satan Wants You To Drag Other People Into Marriage Problems
Talking about marriage problems with people of the opposite sex, or people that are not a good Christian influence can be very dangerous in both instances. If a husband or wife begins confiding their marriage problems in a friend of the opposite sex, they are setting themselves up for an affair. The more they tell their new 'confidant' about how terrible their spouse is, the more they trust and like their friend. This is a slippery slope and can lead to an affair very fast. It starts out innocent, but before they know it, they find themselves having feelings for this friend, and they feel as if this new friend is the only one who understands them. This is not conducive to reconciling with their spouse, who is the one they should be confiding in. Even though they know it's wrong, they end up making the choice to have an affair because they believe it's their only options to get their needs met.
7) Satan Wants To Draw Our Attention Away From God
This point goes along nicely with number 6. Satan wants to confuse us and get us to stop listening to what God is telling us. This tactic comes by way of distraction. Instead of reading our Bible daily, Satan wants us to engage in other activities, and somehow five minutes a day seems like too much of a burden to sit and open your Bible before bed or while eating breakfast. Instead of praying with your spouse, Satan wants you to fight or to avoid the issues altogether. Instead of talking about problems in a respectful manner, Satan wants you to get mad and start yelling and saying hurtful things to each other. Instead of focusing on God and what God can do, Satan wants us to focus on money issues.
Matthew 14:26-32 "And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear. But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased."
When one or both spouses refuses to admit that they were wrong or that they made a bad choice, it puts a road block in healing the marriage or fixing the problem. A marriage takes two people to keep running, and two people to fix problems. If one spouse is unwilling to admit that they made a mistake, then there can't be an open and honest discussion about the issues the couple is facing, and they can't grow and move on. What ends up happening is that issues pile up and never get dealt with, and ends up leaving one or both spouses feeling bitter and unhappy.
So far, just with the first three points, Satan has a pretty good plan of attack for breaking up Christian marriages. He attacks your relationship with God, makes you doubt, tries to get you to make the wrong choices even when you know they're wrong, and tries to get you to deny any wrongdoing so that communication is blocked and problems in the marriage can't be fixed. Now it becomes easy to see how Satan lays in wait to 'devour' us. Lets look at what else the deceiver does to a marriage.
4) Satan Tries To Divide Us
When Adam blamed Eve for his own wrongdoing in eating the fruit, do you think it might have driven a wedge between them? What if your own spouse started blaming you for their own wrongdoings? Doubt in your spouse, blaming others for your own problems, lying, and a general lack in communication are all things that will divide two people in a relationship. There's a saying: united we stand, divided we fall. If you are united with your spouse and God, a strong front against the devil, it will be all the harder for the devil to take you down. If Satan can separate you however, get you to stop communicating or trusting each other, and divide you over differences of opinion, then he has two separate and much weaker targets to attack.
I would imagine that driving wedges between husbands and wives is one of Satan's favorite pastimes. One small unresolved difference of opinion can lead to another and another. True, we must sometimes agree to disagree, but often Satan will choose small annoyances in a relationship and then try to block communication as we read earlier, so that problems will build up and push spouses further and further apart. After reading this far, it may seem hopeless trying to resist Satan's influences in our lives and marriages, but at the end of the article we'll cover a few strong defenses against the devil's attacks.
Getting us to avoid and withdraw from issues instead of taking the time to resolve them is another one of the devices Satan uses to drive us apart. Often just because we don't want to argue or discuss our own shortcomings, or just because we're weary of our spouse being mad, we'll avoid an issue altogether. The fight or flight response, some call this phenomenon. Unfortunately we don't often see that there's a third option. We don't have to fight with a spouse about an issue, and we don't have to withdraw and flee either. Instead, spouses can sit down and pray about it, and resolve to discuss any issues in the relationship in a calm, respectful manner with each other, even if they don't come to an agreement in the end. Sometimes issues in a marriage take time to resolve, but one thing is for certain, if you withdraw from your spouse and refuse to work things out, then the issues will never be resolved and will pile up.5) Satan Wants You To Drag Other People Into Marriage Problems
Talking about marriage problems with people of the opposite sex, or people that are not a good Christian influence can be very dangerous in both instances. If a husband or wife begins confiding their marriage problems in a friend of the opposite sex, they are setting themselves up for an affair. The more they tell their new 'confidant' about how terrible their spouse is, the more they trust and like their friend. This is a slippery slope and can lead to an affair very fast. It starts out innocent, but before they know it, they find themselves having feelings for this friend, and they feel as if this new friend is the only one who understands them. This is not conducive to reconciling with their spouse, who is the one they should be confiding in. Even though they know it's wrong, they end up making the choice to have an affair because they believe it's their only options to get their needs met.
The other side of this coin is the spouse that talks about their marriage problems, or bad mouths their spouse to a friend or family member who is not Christian (not that bad mouthing your spouse is ever a good idea or loving thing to do). Sometimes we do need an outsider to give us a fresh perspective on things, but this person should be someone of the same sex, who is a Bible believing, Bible following Christian. Non-Christians will bring in worldly views and encourage you to do un-Godly things, and often they will encourage you towards divorce and fill your head with the notion that you are 'better' than your spouse and that you 'deserve better' instead of encouraging you to reconcile in a Biblical manner. I believe the only time that divorce should be encouraged, is when one spouse is physically or mentally abusive to their spouse and or children in some way. If this is the case, then separation is for the safety of the family members involved, not just because someone thinks 'you can do better'.
6) Satan Wants You To Believe Your Problems Are Bigger Than God
I've fallen into this trap myself on a number of occasions. Sometimes the situation seems hopeless and you begin to wonder if God wants to help you fix things, or if He is ignoring you, or if He can even fix things at all. These are all tricks of the devil. A covenant with God (marriage) is something to be kept, not thrown away, and I do not believe God would try to make two people divorce, so we can throw that notion out the window right away. The same goes for anything within the relationship that would lead to divorce. If you're despairing over a lack of communication or needs getting met within your marriage, don't think that God can't fix the problem. Pray about it, fervently and often (we'll talk about this more at the end of the study). If one spouse cheated, don't let the devil make you believe that this problem is beyond God to make right. There are many many books out there about Christian couples, where one cheated and God took their marriage and turned it around and made it better than it ever was before.
Our God is not a small, insignificant God. He is the creator of the universe and everything within. He's the one who made every star and remembers each star's name, He's the one who sent his Son Jesus to die on the cross for us so our sins could be washed away, He's the one who made the first marriage covenant with Adam and Eve. God can do anything except lie to you. Lying is the one thing God cannot do (Titus 1:2).
6) Satan Wants You To Believe Your Problems Are Bigger Than God
I've fallen into this trap myself on a number of occasions. Sometimes the situation seems hopeless and you begin to wonder if God wants to help you fix things, or if He is ignoring you, or if He can even fix things at all. These are all tricks of the devil. A covenant with God (marriage) is something to be kept, not thrown away, and I do not believe God would try to make two people divorce, so we can throw that notion out the window right away. The same goes for anything within the relationship that would lead to divorce. If you're despairing over a lack of communication or needs getting met within your marriage, don't think that God can't fix the problem. Pray about it, fervently and often (we'll talk about this more at the end of the study). If one spouse cheated, don't let the devil make you believe that this problem is beyond God to make right. There are many many books out there about Christian couples, where one cheated and God took their marriage and turned it around and made it better than it ever was before.
Our God is not a small, insignificant God. He is the creator of the universe and everything within. He's the one who made every star and remembers each star's name, He's the one who sent his Son Jesus to die on the cross for us so our sins could be washed away, He's the one who made the first marriage covenant with Adam and Eve. God can do anything except lie to you. Lying is the one thing God cannot do (Titus 1:2).
7) Satan Wants To Draw Our Attention Away From God
This point goes along nicely with number 6. Satan wants to confuse us and get us to stop listening to what God is telling us. This tactic comes by way of distraction. Instead of reading our Bible daily, Satan wants us to engage in other activities, and somehow five minutes a day seems like too much of a burden to sit and open your Bible before bed or while eating breakfast. Instead of praying with your spouse, Satan wants you to fight or to avoid the issues altogether. Instead of talking about problems in a respectful manner, Satan wants you to get mad and start yelling and saying hurtful things to each other. Instead of focusing on God and what God can do, Satan wants us to focus on money issues.
Matthew 14:26-32 "And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear. But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased."
We see a great example of someone's attention getting drawn away from the Lord in Matthew 14. Peter has faith enough to get out of the boat and walk across the water to Jesus, but then he gets distracted by the wind and suddenly his faith falters. Take note however, that while Peter got distracted and took his attention away from Jesus, he cried out for Jesus to save him, and Jesus did. Satan would have let Peter drown right there having drawn his attention away from Christ, but Christ was there waiting for Peter to call out to be saved. When we find ourselves distracted and lead away from Christ, we can always call out for help and Jesus will be there to pull us from the turbulent waves. Also take note that as soon as Peter asked Jesus to take charge of the situation and Jesus got Peter safely into the boat, the wind stopped. Put your eyes on Christ and keep them there and let the wind that Satan sends your way not bother you at all.
8) Satan Wants Us To Give In To Idolatry
Whether it's work, money, hobbies, addictions, or just setting our spouse up on a pedestal, Satan wants us to place higher importance on other things and other people than we do on God.
Remember that in Exodus 20:3-5 God tells us: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them..."
Idols are another device Satan uses to distract us. We work hard, long hours because we need to fill our need for money so we can have nice houses and cars and buy more and more stuff that we want but don't really need. We place such a high value on money that much of our time and attention is focused on it instead of on God. Serving money instead of God also detracts from your time with your spouse, and many many marriages break up because of financial difficulties when two people try to live beyond their means.
The same thing happens when you serve an addiction or hobby instead of God. I'm reminded of the husband in the movie 'Fireproof' who had two addictions: pornography and his boat. He spent his time serving his addictions instead of serving God and focusing on his wife. Unfortunately this is the case in many marriages, where one or both spouses is so focused on other things, their attention is off of God and their family.
Setting your spouse up on a pedestal is another form of idolatry. Oftentimes, especially with young couples or newlyweds, someone places their spouse up on a pedestal by having high expectations of them, often times higher than their own expectations of themselves. They expect their spouse to be perfect, they expect them to never fail or falter, to never sin, to never make a mistake. This leads to both spouses being sorely disappointed. The one because their spouse didn't live up to their overzealous expectations, and the other because they can't live up to their spouses expectations no matter how hard they try. When you expect your spouse to be perfect, it's like you're worshiping them like you would God.
God warns us again in 1John 5:21 "Little children, keep yourselves from idols," and that "Their sorrows shall be multiplied that hasten after another god," in Psalm 16:4. God feels so strongly against idolatry that we're warned in 1 Corinthians 10:14 to "flee from idolatry." Unfortunately, from the time Satan told Eve that she would become like a God in Genesis after eating the fruit, to now, this remains one of Satan's favorite tactics in destroying a Christian marriage.
How Satan Gets In
The following is a list of things people do in marriages that open the door for Satan to come in. Take note of each thing, because avoiding these things will help keep the deceiver out of your relationship:
- Withholding sex from your spouse
- 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
- Spending too much time thinking on your spouses negative attributes instead of their positive qualities
- Saying hurtful things
- Proverbs 15:1 "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."
- Proverbs 21:23 "Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles."
- Luke 6:45 "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh."
- Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."
- Not being thankful for your spouse. Not cherishing your spouse.
- Being disrespectful to your spouse
- 1 Peter 3:7 "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."
- 1 Peter 2:17 "Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king."
- Ephesians 5:21-22 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.�
- Refusing to let go of your spouses mistakes instead of forgiving them
- Matthew 6:15 "But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
- Not admitting when you were in the wrong or saying you're sorry (and meaning it)
- Being sarcastic and bitter to your spouse
- Collosians 3:18-19 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them."
- Holding your own wants, needs, and rights above those of your spouse
- (I highly recommend reading the Love Dare book to learn about this and many other important principles)
- Not putting your time, effort, energy, and money into your relationship with your spouse
- Not guarding your heart
- Proverbs 4:23 "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."
- Letting the word or concept of 'divorce' creep into your marriage
- Judging your spouse for his or her mistakes
- Matthew 7:1-2 "Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."
- Letting other family members or friends dictate what happens in your marriage
- Forgetting to pray daily with your spouse
- James 5:16 "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."
- Forgetting to read your Bible daily
Helpful Books
I highly recommend the following books if you would like to grow closer to your spouse, learn how to protect yourself and your marriage from Satan, and improve your marriage in every aspect. These books come from a biblical perspective and are easy to understand:
My favorite is The Love Dare book. You may have heard of it if you've seen the movie Fireproof. My entire perspective on marriage has changed since reading the Love Dare and it has been a great help to me in explaining the biblical principles of God's love and how that applies to us in a marriage relationship. It even gives you a clear cut guide on how to pray in the appendix, and daily homework assignments. I didn't do it one day at a time as it suggests. I did one every few days so I could more fully meditate and take in each concept and incorporate it into my life.
His Needs Her Needs comes in a close second to the Love Dare book. Willard Harley Jr does a great job laying out the basic needs we often fail to meet for our spouses, and also lays out some basic biblical principles of marriage and how failing to meet your spouses needs can lead to an affair, while meeting them can make your marriage better than ever.
Love and Respect is a book/DVD series used in many churches for couples counseling and couple studies, and has been a great help to many many couples.
Join In
If you have any questions or comments, or would like to join in on the discussion about the things Satan does to ruin relationships or how to guard you heart from Satan, leave a comment below, send us a shout out to @refugebaptist on Twitter, or come visit us at CBSB's Facebook page.
